A New Normal - COVID -19 Addition

‘COVID-19 has created a new normal', is the most commonly heard statement these days. And truly so.

 The Corona Virus (COVID) has taken the entire world by surprise. From the governments to business, from schools to social life, people found themselves adapting to the new normal- some forcefully, some out of fear and some simply because this is the way forward. 

What makes this pandemic unique is the social distancing norm. 

Everywhere the dos and don’ts of ‘Social Distancing’ was being flashed and businesses too, specially the ‘People’s Division’ worked hard to keep up with it. Along with this came articles and stories on how ‘Social Distancing’ would negatively affect the people’s psychology, as physical interactions are an essential part of human social experience and feeling insufficiently connected to others could have a negative consequences on physical and mental health. Thus came out videos, and articles on how to stay connected during the pandemic while maintaining the ‘Social Distancing’. 

MS Team webinars and training sessions, Gana-Bajana (Singing) or Tambola over Zoom , birthday celebration over skype, family gatherings over Google Meets, creating videos for anniversary or birthday wishes, all this filled the calendar. 

Now, when the situation is stabilising and people are coming out of the ‘Lockdown’ zone, what is being observed is that socializing and working in an office with people around is becoming difficult for some or maybe many. Online they could easily mute self or others or switch off their videos, but in the physical space, they are unable to control this. People& their requests, seem like an interference and noise. Specially for the so called ‘introverts’ who cherished their ‘me’ time. 

To build a social life post pandemic that suits you, it is essential- 

• To understand yourself.
• To know what actually triggers you. 
• To know what you value.
• How to take care of those triggers and values 

People around you will judge you or offer advise which may be completely different to your true self. Before acting upon those advices; Pause. 

Here are some tips to cope up as the world around us slowly opens.

What is your ‘Current Reality’ 

Reflect and get aware of your pre-pandemic days when you were interacting with individual, groups, gatherings and what was your emotional state and what were you feeling? This will make sure you have a realistic evaluation and you are not just an adhering to the mentality of the masses. Also define the outcome you want, e.g. is it to get better in social interactions and build your network or is it about learning to draw boundaries in a healthy manner. Here too, keep in mind to identify your realistic goal and not the perceived goal.

Evaluate 

Now evaluate what do you like of the above, what do you not like? Are there behaviours you are still continuing and why? What are some behaviours that are stressing you today and why? Probably you have answers for some and for some you may not. That’s fine. Take a deep breath, just get aware. Maybe you are doing something unconsciously-as a habit, you have always done it that way, but today that social behaviour stresses you, E.g: – You may have been comfortable in the past when a group of colleagues chatted and laughed next to your cubicle and you were still able to focus on your work. Today you are not! 

Consider Alternatives 

Get aware and accept that something in you has changed –nothing good or bad. Nothing right or wrong. Just changed! Separate yourself from the event and get aware of what you are feeling and what emotions are you going through. What do you want as the outcome? How can you communicate the same, making the other person responsive-not blaming, not pleading but simply placing a request which makes them see what you are feeling and also gives them choice and opportunity to help you with an alternate behaviour from their side. 

E.g: Can’t you all see I am trying to focus and get some work done? You all may have nothing to do but I have some responsibilities. Please go somewhere else and do your time-pass. 

Vs 

I can see that you are all having some break time. May I request you to use the cafeteria or some other place for your group conversation. I am trying to focus but I find myself getting pulled to your conversation. I would really appreciate your support. (Body Language: Limited hand gestures, eye contact, subtle smile) 

It may help to define what exactly you want from any interaction or social gathering-do you want to be motivated, or just feel the connection or maybe you just want to get used to people around you. And when you define this, just visualize how all that feels for YOU. Else you may be getting into a perceived behaviour and not what you really want. Don’t even attempt to tell yourself “I am trying to see how it will be …'The more clear you are, the more you will be able to relate to what is happening and what needs to change and most importantly you will receive a healthy support to do so. Else the environment will only create anxiety, mood swings or irritation. 

It is your choice and in your capacity to create an environment that makes you feel comfortable and heard. 

‘Let Go’ 

A very clichéd term, heard in almost any situation that focuses on well-being and happiness. However applicable here as well- but ‘Let Go’ of what? 

Take time connecting with people –one by one. There is no need to meet them all at once and overdoing the socializing. Once you resume work, begin by connecting with people you missed the most and take time to connect with people you did not really miss. This evaluation may be shocking for you, but the decision you take will leave you feeling less stressed and overwhelmed. 

Also know its O.K to not attend all the social events you were invited to. Maybe pre-lockdown, you did not consciously think about what you really needed and possibly this lockdown has allowed this reflection. So now go ahead and balance your needs and those of other. Calling you is their need. If you are looking at spending ‘me’ time instead of ‘we’ time, acknowledge them and yourself and communicate this ! This helps you become emotionally healthy. 

Know your boundaries and set boundaries for others too. Don’t participate just because you feel pressurised or are scared of being judged. 

(Re)Evaluate

Lastly, remember, don’t get too comfortable with any kind of an environment, even if it looks idle. Growth is in flexibility. Being aware of your limitations and expressing the same in a healthy manner is the 1st Step. Enriching your life’s journey by overcoming those limitations and working on your fears and discomfort is the Next Step-the most challenging but an essential one. Stay true to who you are and what you value and keep expanding on it by gradually getting comfortable with the uncomfortable – one step at a time.

Using Mindfulness For Action

Hello & Welcome,

In my previous posts, I had shared about mindfulness, its components and about developing mindfulness in our day to day activities.
This series talks about ‘Using Mindfulness For Action’

‘Using Mindfulness For Action’ means bringing your whole self to the present- with complete awareness. Engaging with the flow of life, like a dance- constantly aware of your expressions, your movements, your next move, and the message you want to convey through the dance.

Mindfulness for Action is about learning to respond to challenges and difficult feelings with GREATER AWARENESS. Many know mindfulness as a relaxation tool, but it also creates a state of action for us.

How?
A state of inaction is when we are filled with fear, doubt, or self-doubt. Mindfulness could help us recognize these feelings and work through them, rather than getting stuck and paralyzed by inaction. Mindfulness could also help us notice opportunities and consider ways to make them work, rather than just being in an auto-pilot mode, where we are completely unaware of where or why are we heading in life.
Once you are aware of what is creating the inaction, here are 4 ‘A’ ways of using mindfulness to get back into action.

AVOID

This does not mean ignoring situations that matter. Instead, it means to get ‘aware’ if the situation you are into or will be getting into could be avoided by-

·         Say “No” – Be authentic about your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept added (more than you can handle) or dumped responsibilities. Know when you are being foolish. Say ‘No’ to yourself for that late-night movie, party with friends, or weekend-long drive even if it’s been your ‘ritual’ for years if it is causing you to regret the next day.

      Avoid People Who Have an Unhealthy Impact on You – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely. 

Take Control of Your Environment – If the ‘Corona’ news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic irritates you, take a longer but less-traveled route. If the silence is killing you, play some music that you like.

Differentiate Between ‘Should Do’s’ and ‘Must Do’s’ – If you’ve got too much on your plate to do, analyse your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. Identify the “should” and the “musts.” Move tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.

      Avoid Hot-Button Topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.

   
       Not all situations can be avoided. There are other “mindful” ways of handling them.

ALTER

Figure out what you can do to change things so the unhealthy situation doesn’t present itself in the future. ALTER is an attempt to change your situation for the better. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.

·         
      Express your Feelings Instead of Bottling them Up – If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same. Do it using the ‘I’. Eg – “I feel anxious when too many deadlines are overlapping. Can we relook at the workflow and do something about this?”

       Be Willing to Compromise – When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to come halfway, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.

      Be Authentic and Assertive – Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head-on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you have projects to submit and a friend comes in chat say upfront that you only have five minutes to talk.

      Manage Your Time Better - Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you are mindful -plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself; you can alter the amount of stress you put yourself through. Lesser stress leads to productive actions!

ADAPT

If you can’t AVOID or ALTER then ADAPT yourself and regain your sense of control. It’s about being Mindful about your expectations and your attitude.

Reframe - Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than cursing the traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station/ audiobooks, or enjoy some alone time. In the current Corona times, the future may look ambiguous to you, but look at what you can do with your present- spend time with family, connect with long-lost friends, enroll for some online courses, pursue your hobbies, etc.

Look at the Big Picture – Take a Mindful perspective of the situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.

Adjust your Standards – Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable unhealthy feelings. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough”, if it meets the requirement.

Focus on the Positive – Be Mindful of your gloomy, self-sabotaging thoughts. Take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. The happy vacation times, your beautiful children, caring friends, and elders who constantly bless us and wish good for us. Being Mindful about them especially during our ‘Low’ days, not only brings things in perspective but also acts as a reminder to the simple joys of life

ACCEPT

Some sources of inactions are sometimes unavoidable. ACCEPTing this does not mean ‘Defeat’. It’s About Letting Go! 

Eg – Death of a loved one, a serious illness or Corona, and the recession. In such cases, be Mindful and ACCEPT. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than fighting a situation you can’t change. Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. At times, even people’s behavior or reactions are not in our control. But being Mindful about our choice of ‘response’ is in our control.

Look for the Upside – As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to it, reflect on them, and learn from your mistakes.

Share your Feelings – Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.

Learn to Forgive – Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentment. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on. This may take a lot of practise (refer -Look At the Big Picture) and just Let It Go!

Practice Positive Self-Talk – How you think can have a profound effect on your emotional and physical well-being. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the middle of a tension-filled situation. If you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the reverse is also true. Be Mindful about your self-talk. Instead of saying I am never able to take decisions say I like to think through before taking a decision OR instead of saying I am a shy person and can’t make friends easily say I like to know people before I trust them and consider them as my friends.

Eliminate words like ‘never’, ‘can’t’ and replace them with action words. Knowing yourself and knowing what you want as an outcome is essential. The more we are mindful of our actions, the less pain and suffering we encounter.

We all have a choice – to be guided towards actions by fear, guilt, anger OR replace it with assertiveness, authenticity, positivity. Mindfulness may help us stay true to what is truly within us.  

Be Mindful - Live a better life.

The Nine Feminine Traits That Can Be Your Mantra for Excellence at Workspace

The Nine Feminine Traits That Can Be Your Mantra for Excellence at Workspace

Work Place Energies

This is a very auspicious period across India. Wherever you may be in the country, the sky takes on rich blue hue interspersed with the white cumulous clouds, a light breeze follows you like a shadow and Mother Nature is resplendent in the glory of the autumnal sun. Right from the start of Matri Paksh or Navratri till about Diwali, it is a celebration of positive energy across the country. In many ways, you can even call it as a celebration of feminine energy within us and it all starts with the awakening of Nari-shakti or Adi-shakti during Navratri. The festivities may culminate with the lighting of Diyas on Diwali or bursting of crackers but the process that it initiates is a learning experience in itself.

By Feminine energy, I am not only referring to some of the most common positive traits that you often associate with women- but is present in all of us humans in smaller or bigger doses. In terms of the corporate workspace, often this is the type of emotion and feelings that makes work more meaningful and allows us to keep our focus intact. Most times corporate culture and masculinity has been considered to go hand in hand. After all, aren’t men the ones who are seen as management experts, the absolute go-getters? But quite contrary to misconceptions, the feminine management traits are what acts as the true motivating factors for employees and helps in effective team play.

So what exactly are these feminine traits that can help you become a more effective and efficient manager? With such festivities in the air, I just feel it is topical to tie it up with the various forms of Adi-shakti that we worship through this period. The various hues of love, compassion, positivity, life and love are not just a manifestation of worshipping rituals but are actually life altering essentials that may finally find their place of glory in the workspace.

1.     Empathy

‘My employees are ‘humans’ first and not just objects to execute specific tasks’, this is a natural feminine trait which helps build strong and lasting relationships-professionally also. The ability to understand what others are feeling — to detect if they are overworked or frustrated, lacking clarity — is a skill that “clearly contributes to effective leadership,” says the Center for Creative Leadership.
Valuing people as human beings helps bring them together for a common vision and also smoothens meetings, idea sharing and execution.

2.     Being Vulnerable

Admitting you don’t have all the answers and showing humility when you make a mistake: these are qualities often viewed as feminine traits, but they project strength and confidence in a way that’s beneficial for anyone. Author and researcher Brené Brown(Brené’s 2010 TEDx Houston talk, The Power of Vulnerability, is one of the top ten most viewed TED talks in the world) turned the popular notions of vulnerability on their heads. She equates vulnerability with the courage to show up and be seen, and she insists that leaders who are more self-aware and vulnerable inspire others to be honest with them. Gay Gaddis, the owner and founder of T3 (The Think Tank) in Austin, Texas says “When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity.”

3.     Creating a Participative Environment
Genuine leaders guide their organizations using a shared purpose and vision — not using command and control. They know that miraculous outcomes are possible through collective brainpower –when people come together to solve problems. Thus some leaders also encourage cross-functional project teams.
Advancement in technology has anyways limited meaningful face-to-face interactions.  But by being open to other point of views and being comfortable with allowing proactive people to take lead, leaders are building a participative culture

4.     Mentoring/Nurturing or Empowerment

Often the concept of creating a participative environment goes hand in hand with the idea of mentoring. Across the corporate world, mentoring plays a crucial role. It can be often about mentoring the next CEO of the company or just an average graduate who is a fresher. This process easily enhances the individual’s skill levels and degree of efficiency:
·       It facilitates the skill development and career advancement of subordinates
·       Encourages, assists and provides resources for others
·       Motivates others toward greater enthusiasm for and commitment to work objects by appealing to emotion, value or personal example

5.     Living in the present

Being completely present to wherever you are. Be it home, friends work or any other setting. You are completely present which ensures greater focus, better problem solving, less stress and most importantly you feel the head and heart being connected and hence you are able to actually experience each and every moment. Albert Einstein also said that we understand the past and future but not the ‘now’

6.     Tolerance
Tolerance is the act or state of allowing beliefs and practices that might not be preferred or approved. Most of us tend to feel that we are tolerant, but the truth is, we are tolerant only of those issues that we do not care about.

Tolerance is a fundamental key to effective leadership and high performing teams. Tolerance breeds inclusion and express willingness to respect despite non-agreement. It is an understanding that not everyone thinks and acts like us and this difference and difference in perspective is where the strength of a team lies. To creatively advance in business and life, tolerance is essential

7.     Intuition
It’s all about ‘feeling, right or wrong even though the rational and carefully considered conclusion says otherwise.  
Take Steve Jobs, for example. He was famous for making critical decisions at Apple without first consulting fact-based business data. In 2010, Jobs accurately predicted that the tablet could actually overtake the PC one day, despite many data reports to the contrary. Following his intuition, in April of that same year, he launched the iPad, disregarding the many doubters who doomed it to fail. As we know now, that decision has paid off.
The right part of the brain which was only connected to emotions or creativity is now being appreciated for its contribution in its ‘gut’ based decision making.

8.     Generous Communication

Being generous with communication –offering support, advice, listening and time Communication achieves more connectedness with their teams, invoke a deeper trust, and inspire greater productivity and accountability. Inclusive conversation styles are a hallmark of many women leaders, but men who employ this approach and seek diverse opinions find they have better buy-in and overall better solutions brought forward. Communicating often and reinforcing core values in every interaction with employees will inspire confidence from your team.

9.     Appreciation and Acknowledging
Providing praise, recognition, and financial remuneration when appropriate is another important trait that you need to keep in mind. Good leaders recognize employees; great leaders appreciate them. Appreciation is a much higher form of gratitude than recognition.  

According to vocabulary.com, "If you APPRECIATE something, you RECOGNIZE its value." So, to recognize is to acknowledge existence, appealing to the physical self. To appreciate is to attach value to the existence, appealing to emotional self.

Recognition and Appreciation contributes to building Self-Esteem of an individual, which as per Maslow’s 5 basic human needs is one of them. In Maslow's own words, "All people in our society (with a few pathological exceptions) have a need or desire for a stable, firmly based, (usually) high evaluation of themselves, for self-respect, or self-esteem, and for the esteem of others. Satisfaction of the self-esteem need leads to feelings of self-confidence, worth, strength, capability and adequacy of being useful and necessary in the world."

Appreciation often comes naturally to women. Imagine a toddler with the first art work on a piece of paper. To an average eye, it can be a mere scribble or a mess of not so concentric rings. But to the mother, it is a representation of the child’s growing prowess, an ability to hold the pencil firmly and effectively executing an idea on paper. Therefore you see, good or bad will be relative but appreciation invariably tilts the balance in favour of good.

My message

Therefore as you venerate Durga, Uma, Parvati, Skandamata, Lakshmi, Kali and finally celebrate the love and sacrifices of your wives, mothers and sisters this festive season, this is my message to you. 

For The Women
I believe it is also time for women to stop competing with men and start embracing their unique brilliant feminine skills and capabilities to add to the corporate equation. And also at the same time balance it beautifully by bringing in your mature masculinity wherever required.

For The Men
Embrace the feminine traits! Don’t be the ‘stereotype’ tough leader instead enhance your masculinity by identifying and working on your feminine traits.

The Balanced, Powerful and Productive  Feminine and Masculine Energy

The Launch Of The OSEL Website

Hello All,

I am excited to announce the launch of my website. Not only is the website new but the entire look of OSEL and its logo too has had a transformation. This purely is the result of the dedication and hard work of  the ‘3 Cheers’ team (the firm that designed the website), the OSEL Consulting team and most importantly my Coach and life partner - Deepak Alva.

The website covers everything that OSEL stands for and values while developing and delivering  its training and coaching interventions. OSEL is now live and the URL is www.oselconsulting.com.

OSEL Consulting  strives to make a positive impact  with the communities- corporates and individuals with which it works. OSEL invites you to connect with it  LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/company/osel-consulting/)  to stay engaged in our continued growth and collaboration.

Additionally, do check the Buzz Bay  section of our website for updates, blog posts, and announcements featuring stories of client successes and the latest programs being offered.


My Website Journey

The process of creating this website has also been transformational for me. The last few years I felt there is no need for me to have a website.  I was blessed to have repeat clients and corporates who reached out to me because of good reference. I always felt “there is no need to sell my work’.

 As my work with corporates and Life Coaching grew,  I started receiving requests to conduct public programs and seminars . I also started hearing concerns from people around that I am not visible or active on social media. It did not bother me initially but later I realized that I was carrying a lot of ‘shoulds’  and ‘buts’ around social media and marketing myself. Now this needed some work on myself. I started the search for my ‘purpose’ with me, I got in touch with my limitation and realized the various areas of my it impacted - not only social media. But that’s a story for some other time :)

So this inner work, connected me to 3 Cheers! –Thank You Universe, who took genuine interest to understand who I am and what do I want to convey. They nudged and pushed me at places which I had resistance towards and finally www.oselconsulting.com was created!

Going forward, OSEL promises to  communicate regularly through our blogs and provide  new articles and notifications. OSEL also plan to continue adding more video content  and online trainings that will help Clarify Thoughts, Alter Beliefs, Impact Behaviour !