The Corona Virus (COVID) has taken the entire world by surprise. From the governments to business, from schools to social life, people found themselves adapting to the new normal- some forcefully, some out of fear and some simply because this is the way forward.
What makes this pandemic unique is the social distancing norm.
Everywhere the dos and don’ts of ‘Social Distancing’ was being flashed and businesses too, specially the ‘People’s Division’ worked hard to keep up with it. Along with this came articles and stories on how ‘Social Distancing’ would negatively affect the people’s psychology, as physical interactions are an essential part of human social experience and feeling insufficiently connected to others could have a negative consequences on physical and mental health. Thus came out videos, and articles on how to stay connected during the pandemic while maintaining the ‘Social Distancing’.
MS Team webinars and training sessions, Gana-Bajana (Singing) or Tambola over Zoom , birthday celebration over skype, family gatherings over Google Meets, creating videos for anniversary or birthday wishes, all this filled the calendar.
Now, when the situation is stabilising and people are coming out of the ‘Lockdown’ zone, what is being observed is that socializing and working in an office with people around is becoming difficult for some or maybe many. Online they could easily mute self or others or switch off their videos, but in the physical space, they are unable to control this. People& their requests, seem like an interference and noise. Specially for the so called ‘introverts’ who cherished their ‘me’ time.
To build a social life post pandemic that suits you, it is essential-
- To understand yourself.
- To know what actually triggers you.
- To know what you value.
- How to take care of those triggers and values
People around you will judge you or offer advise which may be completely different to your true self. Before acting upon those advices; Pause.
Here are some tips to cope up as the world around us slowly opens.
What is your ‘Current Reality’
Reflect and get aware of your pre-pandemic days when you were interacting with individual, groups, gatherings and what was your emotional state and what were you feeling? This will make sure you have a realistic evaluation and you are not just an adhering to the mentality of the masses. Also define the outcome you want, e.g. is it to get better in social interactions and build your network or is it about learning to draw boundaries in a healthy manner. Here too, keep in mind to identify your realistic goal and not the perceived goal.
Evaluate
Now evaluate what do you like of the above, what do you not like? Are there behaviours you are still continuing and why? What are some behaviours that are stressing you today and why? Probably you have answers for some and for some you may not. That’s fine. Take a deep breath, just get aware. Maybe you are doing something unconsciously-as a habit, you have always done it that way, but today that social behaviour stresses you, E.g: – You may have been comfortable in the past when a group of colleagues chatted and laughed next to your cubicle and you were still able to focus on your work. Today you are not!
Consider Alternatives
Get aware and accept that something in you has changed –nothing good or bad. Nothing right or wrong. Just changed! Separate yourself from the event and get aware of what you are feeling and what emotions are you going through. What do you want as the outcome? How can you communicate the same, making the other person responsive-not blaming, not pleading but simply placing a request which makes them see what you are feeling and also gives them choice and opportunity to help you with an alternate behaviour from their side.
E.g: Can’t you all see I am trying to focus and get some work done? You all may have nothing to do but I have some responsibilities. Please go somewhere else and do your time-pass.
Vs
I can see that you are all having some break time. May I request you to use the cafeteria or some other place for your group conversation. I am trying to focus but I find myself getting pulled to your conversation. I would really appreciate your support. (Body Language: Limited hand gestures, eye contact, subtle smile)
It may help to define what exactly you want from any interaction or social gathering-do you want to be motivated, or just feel the connection or maybe you just want to get used to people around you. And when you define this, just visualize how all that feels for YOU. Else you may be getting into a perceived behaviour and not what you really want. Don’t even attempt to tell yourself “I am trying to see how it will be …'The more clear you are, the more you will be able to relate to what is happening and what needs to change and most importantly you will receive a healthy support to do so. Else the environment will only create anxiety, mood swings or irritation.
It is your choice and in your capacity to create an environment that makes you feel comfortable and heard.
‘Let Go’
A very clichéd term, heard in almost any situation that focuses on well-being and happiness. However applicable here as well- but ‘Let Go’ of what?
Take time connecting with people –one by one. There is no need to meet them all at once and overdoing the socializing. Once you resume work, begin by connecting with people you missed the most and take time to connect with people you did not really miss. This evaluation may be shocking for you, but the decision you take will leave you feeling less stressed and overwhelmed.
Also know its O.K to not attend all the social events you were invited to. Maybe pre-lockdown, you did not consciously think about what you really needed and possibly this lockdown has allowed this reflection. So now go ahead and balance your needs and those of other. Calling you is their need. If you are looking at spending ‘me’ time instead of ‘we’ time, acknowledge them and yourself and communicate this ! This helps you become emotionally healthy.
Know your boundaries and set boundaries for others too. Don’t participate just because you feel pressurised or are scared of being judged.
(Re)Evaluate
Lastly, remember, don’t get too comfortable with any kind of an environment, even if it looks idle. Growth is in flexibility. Being aware of your limitations and expressing the same in a healthy manner is the 1st Step. Enriching your life’s journey by overcoming those limitations and working on your fears and discomfort is the Next Step-the most challenging but an essential one. Stay true to who you are and what you value and keep expanding on it by gradually getting comfortable with the uncomfortable – one step at a time.
